Once Upon a Daydream...

How the hell do you think you can “cleanse” someone when all you do is judge people and say horrible things about them? You come into my house, you belittle my aspirations of doing something for God and spewing out stereotypes of ridiculous things, you mock my church and the foundations of the people who work in it, and you expect me to respect your opinions when all you have to justify it with is that your family said it was true? that’s fucking excellent that your dad saw the “dirty inside” of the church and I’m terribly sorry that it was such a horrible church, but you can’t honestly believe that all people and all churches are the same because they aren’t. You try to say that churches are so fake well wake up and smell the damn coffee because you’re the exact same way. You aren’t perfect. Your opinion isn’t perfect. and OH, CURVE BALL, YOUR PARENTS’ OPINIONS AREN’T PERFECT SO STOP RIDICULING MY OPINIONS! Not everyone in the church is the same, not everyone in power is the same. I happen to know SO many people in the church who are so pure of heart and truly want the best for people. My own father had so much influence on the church and I happen to know for a fact that he wasn’t fake or prideful so the next time you talk about a church with mockery about the walls it is held in, try to remember that it isn’t about the building but the body of believers. I don’t care if we held the service in a damn card board box. It would still be church.  It isn’t about the tithe you think they made up to take your money. It isn’t about how you think they should be worshiping or talking when all you can say is ” I hate ugly people” and you never have anything to say about a person’s personality. How about cleansing your own damn soul before you go hating everyone else’s. Sorry, you hate pamphlets and books people give out to spread information about a group of people? Ever hear of the bible spreading information about a group called christians? Yeah. Good one. I understand that there are flawed people who are only in it for themselves, but you can’t give up so easily because that’s pathetic. God calls us to be in community with fellow christians and you can’t just back out when you see something you don’t like. God has a million reasons why he should back away from you in your own sinful nature but he hasn’t, and he won’t. So why should you? You aren’t perfect. You have no right. 

Told me that what I do determines practically the rest of my life and I need to be more responsible. 

The truth is, I don’t think they have the same perspective on life that I do. I know I can’t fully comprehend the true meaning of eternal life, but I’ve thought the living daylights out of that concept and I have a bit of a handle on it. When you really think about eternal life, and I mean REALLY think about it, what I do now doesn’t matter. Obviously, I’m going to do everything I possibly can to fulfill God’s plan for me and to make my life as much as it can be, but believing in God means knowing that even if I live my days homeless on the streets, I know I’ll eventually end up perfectly happy and content, in perfect eternal paradise, that I had, currently have, and always will have a God who loves me unconditionally, and that makes me at peace with anything. Whether I live in a mansion and am featured in Forbe’s or if I am being evicted out of a cardboard box, I will follow this crazy path God seems to be setting before me. I don’t belong behind a desk, in a classroom, in an office, in a place where I have constant walls confining me to a job completely void of passion or purpose for myself. I belong at the heart of the people, believing or not, working in any way I can to preserve the vision of God in this broken world. 

I find it kind of hilarious, the conclusion people come to when they find out they have some sort of terminal disease or something. They say “so I’m going to die?!” 

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL YOUR LIFE?! 

you were going to die anyway -_-

instead of asking that insanely stupid question while wasting away in some hospital bed wallowing in self-pity, go out in style like the dudes in the bucket list. 

Living is the way to die. 

Sitting

staring

wondering

hoping

waiting

dying. Just dying. Why do you bother yourself with these things? Think about your problem. Then slap yourself and realize that it won’t even matter in the future. So get over it. 

Why. Why why why why why. Why does this always happen to me?! Why, i ask you, does the universe have it out for me, and why do people believe that the universe has it out for them? People are ridiculous. I’m ridiculously ridiculous. 

I was worried for the silence

I was afraid of the endings

I was afraid of the pauses

I was horrified about the look

I was horrified about my sentiments 

But now I feel free

with loud music

Wind rushing through my hair

Stairway to heaven <3

I have a chance of coming home. I have a chance of seeing you. I have a chance of growing a pair and not being so dumb and fighting like I never have because I have the capability to be confident like I’ve never been. I have the chance. I might take it. I hope I do. 

I also have the chance to stop reading so many ridiculous facebook statuses that sound a lot like this post… :D